Thursday, July 14, 2011

More Funny

I've posted about Mr. Welch's List before— and have the link to this guy's list in my side panel. If you are a gamer and haven't gone there, you need to. Funny, funny stuff. Here is a smattering of his most recent listings of things he is no longer allowed to do in gaming:

1776. They don't make weapon grade schnauzers.

1789. Doesn't matter what the map says, can't drive a sports car through the villain's lair.

1792. Let's keep the collateral damage to under a billion dollars.

1794. Can't use party members for ante.

1798. Can't start every game breaking out of jail.

1800. I will not point out any loophole that arouses the powergamer.

1808. Even if I buy enough for everybody, snuggies alone will not raise crew morale.

1814. My battlecruiser does not inclue a discotheque, bowling alley, IMAX, or strip joint.

1815. Can't have a gun capable of using other PC's as ammo.

1820. Let's not see how far I can lower crew morale before the game begins.

1829. Darth Vader does not need his air filter changed.

1830. Deer Season is restricted to rifle or bow. Not greco-roman.

1833. If we're short on cash no starting a telethon.

1834. Star Destroyers don't have help desks.

1837. I won't ask how a 9' combat monster with no concept of subtlety starts with a +1D in stealth.

1856. I will refer to the radar contact as a Blitzer-72 MBT, and not as a TPK in a can.

1857. No unloading all my remaining ammo in the last bad guy so I don't have to carry it back with me.

1867. Can't have a gun that reduces people to Rorschach tests.

1868. Playing the Who doesn't give me a bonus to forensic checks.

1873. Stormtroopers will only fall for the broken comlink trick so many times.

1881. No shooting the Quarren at the start of the adventure, even if it would have immediately solved the last four adventures instantly.

1885. Considering we don't have a TARDIS or a bag of holding, we can stop speculating on how they would interact.

1894. No mounting my rival's anti-gravity plating on his ceiling.

1898. No hiring Anakin Skywalker some Twilek hookers, thus removing his reason to become Vader.

1899. The target's current zip code has no bearing on my called shot.

1901. Even if my Jedi has a Scottish accent, can't have a plaid lightsaber.

1902. Playing a Gamorrean doesn't violate anybody's religion.

1906. I will ask permission before performing an autopsy in another character's hideout.

1907. No putting the villain's fake bio on and letting the stalkers do my work for me.

1909. Combat boots don't give bonuses to CPR checks.

1915. The following are not acceptable specialties for a weapon master: Mustard Gas, Cheese Grater, Sardonicism.

1922. Can't air hump the king from behind while he's performing demagoguery.

1924. Despite what the rules say, shooting other PC's in the head does not improve morale.

1927. Can't filibuster other characters.

1928. Nobody is going to buy the disguised wookie as a jawa with a pituitary problems.

1934. Breaking the fourth wall doesn't require a strength check.

1940. Blasting the distress signal from orbit is forbidden, even if it would have avoided the last six ambushes.

1946. No improvising, winging or fabricating funeral rites.

1949. Can't free the hostage with a surprise game of Red Rover.

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