Thursday, March 24, 2011

Top Ten Bond Girls Translated into Star Wars

What exploration of Bond would be complete without spending some time on Bond Girls. Is this just a shameless plug to drive more traffic to my site? You be the judge! In any case, below is the list and notes on how each would be presented in a Star Wars universe. And yes, for those bored with this Bond kick I am evidently on, I will be moving on to other things after this.

10. Domino

The bikini-clad beauty who played Number Two's number one girl in "Thunderball". Domino is representative of a lot of different bond girls- being mostly eye-candy and having little real impact on the plot of the movie. She does stand out from many of the others, however, in that she does wind up saving Bond towards the end of the movie. She shoots her abusive lover- Emilio Largo- with a speargun and then comments coldly. "I'm glad I killed him." To this, Bond quips "YOU'RE glad?".

Domino cuts a rather tragic figure, being a young woman who was drawn in by the wealth and power of an older man (Largo) only to find out he was jealous, abusive and a criminal/terrorist mastermind. By this time, however, she was already in too far to get out on her own. She lives a life of luxury, but at the price of having to spend time with Largo- who sees her only as a pretty bauble. Even so, she has a good heart and would help agents working against Largo, even at risk to herself. Her brother is an officer with the New Republic who (unknown to her) is slated to be used and then killed in one of Largo's extortion schemes.

Domino has no real combat or espionage skills, but she is clever enough and observant- and would be a good source of information to people working against her 'patron', Largo.

9. Jill Masterson

Her appearance in "Goldfinger" might have been brief, but her death (asphyxiated by gold paint) was perhaps one of the most memorable in the entire series- thus earning her a place in this list.

In a Star Wars setting, I see Jill as a human female mercenary who has recently taken work with Auric the Hutt (Goldfinger) in a general 'trouble-shooting' position. Her most current assignment is helping the Hutt cheat in 'friendly' card games by spying out his opponent's hands from a distance. Jill is simply in it for the money, and the thrill of being part of a criminal organization- she feels no special loyalty to Auric- and in fact is a bit bored and annoyed with his money-grubbing attitude. She just might 'look the other way' if agents were to interfere with her boss. Unfortunately, she doesn't quite understand just how dangerous an angry Auric can be. Jill has a sister who follows a similar line of work, though with different employers. If Jill came to harm, this sister would likely go after whoever was responsible.

Jill Masterson would have basic combat and espionage abilities (particularly surveillance). She would have been hired on by Auric because of her good looks- which both distract enemies and make her seem less of a threat. Plus, like all Hutts, Auric likes to surround himself with beauty.

8. Octopussy

Again, this was easily one of the sillier movies AND names, but like it or not "Octopussy" WAS memorable, as was her personal criminal operation- an all female cadre of acrobat-thieves who lived with her on her private island. Oh, and she ALSO ran a circus as a front for her smuggling operations.

As mentioned in previous posts, the Star Wars version of this character has called herself "Krakana"- named after a ferocious predator (think sharktopus) of the planet Mon Calamari. She was the daughter of a turncoat Imperial Spy who was killed during the rise of the Empire. A young woman at the time, Krakana immersed herself in the underworld- eventually building her own smuggling organization, taking in 'lost' women much like herself. It was during this time that she earned the name Krakana- a testament to her ferocity when crossed and her tenacity in achieving her goals. She now has her own private island, guarded by her all-female cadre of henchwomen (and henchwomen in training). She has also started up several legitimate enterprises to supplement her income (and to serve as cover for her operations). One of these is a traveling circus. Unfortunately, she's also partnered with some less than savory types during her career, from corrupt nobles (like Kamal Khan) to corrupt Imperial officers (like General Orlov). Though she is a thief, Krakana is a 'noble' thief. She doesn't kill unless pushed into a corner and she doesn't deal in slaves or other 'questionable' cargos.

Krakana is a skilled combatant in armed and unarmed combat. She is also trained in acrobatics and espionage skills. But her most useful skill is her personality- as a skilled leader, a clever criminal/businesswoman, a savvy judge of character and a charming smooth-talker in social situations.

7. Anya Amasova

Touted as being the first 'liberated' Bond Girl, Anya Amasova (aka Agent XXX) appeared in "The Spy Who Loved Me". Here, she was presented as an equal to Bond, a skilled Russian agent working both with and against the hero. For the most part, the 'liberated' thing is true, except for the fact that she gets captured, dressed in sexy clothes by the villain, and must be rescued by Bond in the end. Yeah.

Agent Amasova was raised in the Empire and mourned its fall, even as she served as an agent for Imperial Intelligence. She is a dedicated idealist, truly believing that her government represents order and peace in the galaxy- and that the Republic represents only corruption and chaos. Amasova is, however, not blind to the fact that times change and coexistence with the New Republic may very well be a fact of life. All the same, she continues to faithfully serve her own government and its ideals- and even if forced to work with the Republic, she will always seek an outcome more favorable for the Empire. Anya was recently in a relationship with a fellow agent, but he was killed by Republic agents in an operation gone bad. This has left her coldly professional, but with a burning desire for revenge against those responsible for her lover's death- even so, she puts duty above her personal feelings.

Agent Amasova is very skilled in all manner of combat and espionage operations. Though coldly professional, she can (when necessary) 'turn on the charm' to distract opponents or extract information.

6. Wai Lin

Played by Michelle Yeoh (who I love) in "Tomorrow Never Dies", Wai Lin was probably the most believably butt-kicking Bond Girl there has ever been. Why? Because she could literally kick butt (and do her own stunts).

In a Star Wars setting, Wai Lin would be a near-human native of a remote sector of space ruled by her people (we'll call them the "Iso" people). Having only recently shrugged off Imperial domination, the Isos (already a reclusive species) are in no hurry to join the New Republic- or indeed to open their borders to non-Isos. Unfortunately, some dastardly folks seem intent on stirring up trouble between the Isos and New Republic. So it is that Wai Lin- a skilled agent in her government's Intelligence service- sets out to solve the mystery and hopefully prevent a war. Wai Lin is intelligent, skilled and deeply dedicated to her job and her people- but unlike many other Iso, she sees the benefits of cooperation with the outside galaxy- and as such would work with other agents.

Wai Lin is incredibly skilled in martial-arts as well as various other forms of combat and espionage techniques. She is also a skilled cyclist and even pilot.

5. Solitaire

Certainly one of the more memorable bond girls (played by Jane Seymour), Solitaire was featured in "Live and Let Die" as the fortune-telling henchman of the voodoo-using villain, Kananga. She is also probably the only Bond Girl who was a virgin (emphasis on 'was').

In Star Wars, Solitaire is a young human woman with a natural affinity for the Force. She was found and recruited as a child by the (also Force Sensitive) Kananga, who recognized her natural ability to sense the future (Farseeing). Solitaire isn't exactly 'innocent' to the true nature of Kananga, but she is relatively loyal to him, both out of fear and the fact he DID raise her. Even so, she isn't comfortable with her life, and if given the chance to escape, she would take it- especially considering Kananga's 'attentions' becoming more focused on her since she has come of age.

Though unskilled in combat, Solitaire has considerable skill in the Force- in particular the 'Sense' skill and various powers related to it- including Farseeing (the ability to see into the future). She 'focuses' these abilities through a deck of tarot cards- though this 'focus' is really more in her mind (and for show) than it is a practical necessity. In game terms, perhaps the tarot deck is an ancient force-artifact recovered by Kananga that actually DOES help focus the Farseeing power (perhaps giving a 1D bonus or some such?). Solitaire has also been raised to believe that losing her virginity will rob her of her ability to see into the future. This is a falsehood told to her by Kananga who simply wanted a mechanism to keep her 'pure' until he wished otherwise.

4. Honey Ryder

Ursula Andress and her white bikini established the tradition of the Bond Girl- so of course she appears on this list. Unfortunately, the character of Honey Ryder doesn't have much going for her save for her looks and her silly name. In Dr. No, she was little more than eye-candy and a damsel to be rescued (though she did offer a little advice while hiding on the island).

Considering Honey's largely 'sexpot' role in Bond, I could see applying an equally 'sexpot' stereotype in the Star Wars version of her- in this case, by making Ms. Ryder a Zeltron (an attractive, magenta-skinned near-human race known for their free spirit and lack of inhibition). Honey would be an orphan with a difficult childhood. She is at once innocent and worldly- aware that the world holds cruel 'truths' but living a simple life as a beachcomber, selling rare shells to tourists who visit her adopted, tropical-island homeworld. Honey is somewhat daring as well- willing to brave the 'forbidden' island of Dr. No in order to find the best shells. Unfortunately, this is eventually liable to catch up with her...

Though not trained in combat, Honey is physically fit and capable of defending herself in a pinch. She is also rather skilled in seamanship, swimming, diving and even survival on the tropical islands of her home.

3. Jinx

Played by Halle Berry in "Die Another Day", Jinx certainly caught MY attention in her introduction- recreating Ursula Andress' bikini scene. Unlike Andress' Honey Rider, however, Jinx proves to be a lot more capable- not just eye candy. For me, that combination earns her a high place on this list.

In a Star Wars setting, Jinx is an undercover agent for the Corporate Sector and is of Lorrdian descent (a dark-skinned human society known for being subtly expressive and natural mimics- both of which work well for a spy). She is quite loyal to her service and has had years of experience and training- enough to allow her to operate solo. She is typically tasked with operations outside of the Corporate Sector itself- most recently in trying to track down a smuggling ring dealing in stolen corusca stones from a restricted Corporate Sector mine.

Jinx is a highly skilled operative- capable of espionage and combat operations (though she excels in undercover work). She is dedicated to her employers, but is flexible enough to work with agents of other powers when necessary.

2. Teresa di Vicenzo

Whether you loved the movie or hated it, Bond's Marriage to Teresa in "On Her Majesty's Secret Service" is probably one of the more dramatic storylines in Bond movie history- made more so by her sudden and tragic death at the end of the movie. Add to this the fact she was portrayed by Diana Rigg (already famous for being a leather-wearing spy-girl in the TV series "The Avengers") and you have what is easily one of the most memorable Bond girls of all time.

Teresa (aka "Tracy") was born into one of Corellia's Organized crime families. She had a difficult childhood, being estranged from her father and lacking a mother (she died when Tracy was in her teens). After leaving boarding school, she set out on a 'life in the fast lane', partying with the upper (and lower) crust of society in a rather self-destructive manner. This lifestyle lead to Tracy being cut off by her father- which subsequently lead her into a loveless marriage with a Count from the Tapani sector. Woe continued to follow "Countess Teresa", as her husband left her following the infant death of their child. Tracy now finds herself at the low point of her life- growing even more self-destructive in her behavior. Her father, growing concerned seeks someone of 'character' to help get his daughter out of her downward spiral before it is too late. Fortunately- or unfortunately, Tracy seems destined to get involved with the made schemes of SPECTRE and the agents who oppose it.

Teresa isn't particularly skilled in combat or espionage, but she is capable in many other areas- including driving and many sports (skiing, swimming, etc.). She is also, unfortunately, quite self-destructive at present, willing to take enormous risks in the hopes that one of them will (finally) end her suffering. Teresa is also remarkably fearless- perhaps due to her hard life, but perhaps also to her nihilistic lifestyle.

1. Pussy Galore

With a name like that- what can you say? Introduced in the most 'perfect' of all Bond movies ("Goldfinger"), Ms. Galore stands out in many ways apart from just her name. First and foremost, she is a formidable persona- probably the first Bond Girl who held 'equal weight' with Bond himself when it came to banter and combat. Add to this the fact she had her own private cadre of beautiful, female pilots and the fact she was (according to sources) bisexual and...well, she stands out.

In a Star Wars setting, Ms. Galore would appear much as she did in the movies- a female human mercenary working for Auric Goldfinger (or in this case Auric the Hutt) because he pays well- enough to fund both her and her team of female pilots. Ostensibly this team performs aerobatic shows for entertainment purposes, but they also form an elite fighter squadron for use in the Hutt's various schemes. Ms. Galore is strong-willed AND strong-bodied- a no-nonsense woman aware of the dangerous spot she's in, but willing to take the risks to achieve her own goals (which eventually include her breaking off from Auric with her squadron, perhaps to carve out her OWN fortune in Mercenary or criminal work. Unfortunately for her, Mrs. Galore isn't QUITE as mercenary as she would lead others to believe. Crime is one thing, but the collateral deaths that will be caused in the latest of Auric's scheme (Operation Grand Slam) may prove too much for even her jaded sense of morality to excuse. Beyond that 'shortcoming', however, she is otherwise a solid 'henchwoman', loyal to her paymaster- and exceedingly loyal to the women serving in her squadron.

Mrs. Galore is highly skilled in armed and unarmed combat and is an expert pilot to boot. She has a formidable presence and isn't easily intimidated or taken in by anyone.


  1. Fun idea, and good choices. One nit-pick, though;

    "Certainly one of the more memorable bond girls (played by Jane Seymour), Solitaire was featured in "The Living Daylights" as the fortune-telling henchman of the voodoo-using villain, Kananga."

    Solitaire (and Kananga) were in "Live and Let Die," not "The Living Daylights."

  2. Oops. Yeah. Mis-type on my part. Fixed now- and thanks for the nit-pick.