For me, Star Wars used to be the story of Luke Skywalker and his hero's journey from a simply farmboy to a Jedi Knight and champion of good. It was about his struggle with tyranny and his own shortcomings. It was about the finding of a lost family and, yes, the redemption of his father. This whole arc made the original trilogy feel very 'complete' to me.
And then the prequels were released and it changed everything. Taken as a whole, the story is NOT about Luke's journey, it is all about Anakin Skywalker. His rise to power. His fall from grace. His corruption and his final redemption. This shift in focus was, for me, a bit jarring at first. I mean, it changes the skew of ALL the movies, even one's that I had 'lived with' for most of my life.
I've made no secret of the fact that I have a love/hate relationship with the prequels. And during my 'hater' periods I have always felt a bit 'cheated' by the shift in focus, especially because it raises the question of whether or not Anakin really deserved to be redeemed- or rather, whether it was possible for him. That is a pretty deep question when you think about it.
Though I personally believe in redemption (especially as it applies to spiritual redemption), there are things that a person can do that, to me, are irredeemable. Or at least seem to be. Anakin Skywalker is guilty of a lot of these things. In Episode II, the scene where he kills an entire village of Sandpeople is almost played off as being somewhat 'justified'. Afterall, they did kidnap and kill his mother. Padme certainly doesn't seem to have a problem with it. She just hugs 'poor Anakin' after he informs her he slaughtered women and children. It was very jarring to me, since Padme had always been played as idealistic. And now she's almost saying "It's okay, they weren't humans." I'm not sure if I'm the only one who picked up on that vibe or not or if it was intended. But to me, this isnt' just a minor happening. It is a major, soul-darkening event. And even if Anakin didn't do anything else bad in his life, he would have a lot to 'answer for' with this. Yes, Sand People may be brutal (at least this particular tribe evidently was), but... the children? Unless you buy into the notion that someone can be 'corrupt' from birth then those Tusken children were innocent blood.
In Episode III I almost begin to feel for Anakin again. He's in a very tough spot, personally speaking. He's leading a double life. He gets no respect from those at his 'job'. He's in the middle of fighting a war. He's about to become a father. And then he has visions of his wife dieing? Yeesh. That is a lot to cope with. But even all of these 'extenuating circumstances' cannot justify the actions Anakin takes. Consider how many other people are involved in the war. The pressures they are facing. The loss. Does that give them the right to act with complete selfishness? No. And that is what Anakin does. He may have convinced himself that his turning to the Dark Side was 'for the good of his wife and children', but it is really so that HE will not lose what he has. And this brings me to Anakin's other unforgivable sin- the attack on the Jedi temple. This is truly his darkest moment. Slaughtering Jedi younglings? How can you /ever/ come back from something like that. It again shows Anakin's selfishness, that he would snuff out all of these lives just to protect his own family- even though he knows that his wife would not want him to do so. It is all about him, about his needs and wants- though I'm certain he continued to justify it to himself that it was 'for the good of his family'- and maybe he even bought into the whole line that it was for the good of the galaxy as well.
The slaughter of the Separatist council was bloody as well, but I still rank it as less of a 'sin' than the sack of the Jedi temple. Why? Because those he slaughtered were part of the war. Manipulated or not, they chose to wage war. Through their actions, millions died. There is a certain justification to it in that regard- though not one I necessarily condone.
After becoming Vader, Anakin continues for YEARS- killing probably hundreds personally and millions more by his orders. Yes, some may have been 'combatants' fighting in a war, but (from the stories that have been written), he was also responsible for many civilian deaths as well.
I guess the real question is, after all of that is any kind of redemption even possible?
Part of me wants to say no. To say that sinking to the depths Anakin did is unforgivable. But redemption is the central to my own belief system- and it seems to be part of Luke's as well. But even though I say that, there are people who I do believe are irredeemable. Adolph Hitler. Joseph Stalin. A slew of serial killers and child molesters. Do any of them DESERVE to be forgiven? No. No matter what the 'excuse' for their behavior, the things they did are so horrific that I can't believe they would wind up any place other than 'hell'.
And yes, I know that Star Wars is make believe. Some may think that comparing Vader to Hitler is 'wrong' on some level- but movies are (when they're good) a medium that makes us think about 'real' things, no matter how fantastical the setting. I mean the Empire had STORMTROOPERS for goodness sake. The parallel was intended and quite evidently so.
So, does Anakin 'deserve' his redemption? That is a tough question. And for me it is one with a lot of caveats.
For me, the first condition that has to be met for redemption is retribution. At some point, you have to be 'punished' for the horrible actions you took. You must 'pay the piper'. Right or wrong, this is how I feel. An evil person who lives a life of luxury only to 'repent' on their death bed just...doesn't cut it. While at first glance it may seem that Anakin doesn't ever really 'pay' for his crimes, I think that he actually did. First of all, there was the horrible mutilation of his body- and being turned into a cyborg 'monster'. Secondly, he became a pawn for a more powerful person. He wasn't 'doing his own thing' all those years, he was at the beck and call of a person who could kill him if he did not obey. Thirdly, Anakin had to live with the memories of all the horrible things he did. This may sound cliche or even a cop-out, but I think Anakin was a good enough person at heart to feel bad about what he had done- you could see it in his face when he went to kill the Younglings at the temple. It wasn't an easy thing for him to do. It probably wasn't easy to live with either. And finally: He lost his wife and his children- not due to any outside danger, but due to his own actions. His whole purpose for going to the Dark side was to save them, but in the process he caused the death of his wife and lost his unborn children. And he had to live with THAT his entire life.
The second condition to be met for redemption is honest repentance for your actions. This is where Vader seems to differ from real-world counterparts. Hitler never apologized for his actions, never saw the wrong in them. The same can be said for Stalin and so many other horrible people. As I said before, Anakin had just enough good in him to know what he was doing was 'bad'. For a time, when he thought he had lost everything, I'm sure he just abandoned himself to the evil. But when he found Luke it seemed to me that something must have been reborn inside him- a 'hope' for something better. In the movies, Luke comments on Vader's internal 'conflict'. And though Vader denies it- it is later proven to be true.
How is it proven? In actions. Not words. That is the third condition for redemption. You can't just SAY you 'feel bad' about what you did and hope to 'make it up some time'. You have to DO something to prove it. In Vader's case it was in the final Battle with the Emperor. He is already exhausted and wounded from his duel with Luke. He obviously knows (or believes) that he would be killed if he ever attempted to attack the Emperor. And yet he does so anyway to save his son. It is a selfless act. He decided that he would rather die than allow his son to be killed. And that's what happened.
And finally, in order to achieve redemption from crimes as horrible as those Vader committed, there can be no 'happily ever after'. At least not in a conventional sense. If Vader had lived through the duel with the Emperor, do you think the Rebels would have just 'forgiven' him? Allowed him to join their ranks? Pardoned him from all his crimes and allowed him to comfortably retire? No. At the very least he would have been tried for war crimes and most likely executed. The best Vader could have hoped for would be to head off on his own and live a life of isolation— or perhaps attempt to make up for his misdeeds by fighting his own war against the Empire and/or the Sith. But no matter what he did, he would have to live with the 'stain' of his deeds. Yeah. So I guess that means that in my book, the only true redemption from soul-scarring evil is through an honorable death while trying to undo what you have done.
If you look at all of the above conditions, you'll note that Anakin meets my criteria for Redemption. I know he doesn't in a lot of people's minds, but in mine he does.
Friday, September 10, 2010
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
The Scope of Star Wars
The one thing that has always impressed me about the Star Wars setting is the sheer scale of it. This isn't just a couple warring planets, or even a couple groups of planets, or part of a 'quadrant' of a galaxy. This is an ENTIRE GALAXY, with a 'thousand thousand' worlds (at least discovered worlds). It is difficult for people with a 'planetary' mindset (like us Humans) to comprehend how big that is, though I think the movies do a great job of conveying it. The Death Star shows how 'titanic' a scale things can be in this universe, as do the seemingly endless variety of alien races shown. Even the canon 'history' of the Galaxy, stretching back THOUSANDS of years of spaceflight, gives the feeling of something almost unfathomably huge.
For a game master who runs Star Wars, this leaves the door open for just about anything you can conceive of. I've spoken before on how 'all inclusive' the setting is, but it bears reiterating, because I think it is one of the chief strengths of Star Wars. For example, in an adventure, you could have the Empire wipe out an entire world (as they did with Alderaan). This is a truly horrific act with a lot of dramatic repercussions for roleplay. But from a gaming perspective the destruction of one planet isn't going to upset the balance of the entire game. Its like having your cake and eating it too. All of the drama you want without entirely changing the face of the setting.
The same can be said for introducing a variety of different settings. You want an old-west world? No problem. An Imperial Rome world? No problem. Hell, I even had a world that was based on Transylvania (complete with a dark Force mad scientist and his genetic monster). And all of it works because there are so many 'nooks and crannies' in the Star Wars universe where such oddball settings could exist. In the Marvel Star Wars comics, for instance, they had a whole adventure taking place on a world very much like 'Barsoom' (mars) from the Edgar Rice Burroughs series. And you know what? It didn't even feel out of place.
I bring the issue of 'scope' up because of a couple things. First of all, I've heard some folks say that Star Wars (or any game based on a movie or book series) is too 'restrictive'. That everything is 'written' and characters would have to live in the shadows of the main storyline- ever in fear of upsetting the apple cart. This conception is just plain wrong. At least with the Star Wars setting. If you can't find room for your own stories in THIS setting, well.. then you have a really uncreative GM. If you're a stickler for Canon, perhaps there is some restriction- at least when it comes to developing ultra-powerful Force user types. But other than that? I don't see why there can't be room for a whole lot of 'big damn heroes' in a setting this size.
The second thing I've seen in some GMs is a failure to grasp the scope of the setting, namely when it comes to NPCs and the impact of player actions. While I am a huge fan of allowing players' actions to shape the course of the Galaxy, I think that some GMs forget that there are a LOT of other folks out there who may be obstacles to player's plans. Nobody in the Star Wars universe acts with impunity. Even the Emperor, as powerful as he is, has to constantly scheme and plot to keep what power he’d gained. You also never see him trying to single-handedly hunt down the Rebel alliance himself. Why? Because it is dangerous. Even to a person as powerful as him. I've seen it before, particularly in online RPGs (MUSHes specifically), that a powerful character might get to feeling too big for his (or her) britches. To this I point out that even a high-powered sith lord can be taken down by a horde of lower-power grunts. If you make use of the combined action rules (something I consider a CORE system in D6), this is very true.
For instance, a Sith appears in the midst of a New Republic Controlled Coruscant. He takes hostages and begins making demands. The person playing the Sith thinks, because he's uber powerful, that only HEROIC characters could possibly stand against him. Thus, he prepares for an assault by Jedi or the like. Meanwhile, Coruscant has a huge military and police presence- including elite teams of anti-terrorist commandos and snipers. They could mobilize this group against the Sith. Even though individually they aren't as powerful- and many may be lost trying to take down the Sith, an anti-terrorist team would pose a real threat. This is something that I feel a GM should keep in mind. It is a bit of a balancing act- making sure players feel they are 'powerful', but they should do so with some common sense and discretion, otherwise, the setting devolves into a 'superhero/supervillain' type setup- which is great for a superhero RPG, but... not for Star Wars (in my opinion).
Anyway, I know that this post is rambling all over the place, so I’ll try to wrap things up. The Scope of Star Wars is what really makes it unique as an RPG setting. To my knowledge, there is no other mainstream setting as large as this (with the possible exception of Traveller or maybe Warhammer 40k- but even there, I don’t think the civilization spans the entire galaxy). Even if you DO include all the expanded universe crap in there (and a lot of it IS crap), you should still have plenty enough room to do whatever the hell you want as a GM- or a player (just so long as you realize there are a lot of other folks trying to do what THEY want, too).
For a game master who runs Star Wars, this leaves the door open for just about anything you can conceive of. I've spoken before on how 'all inclusive' the setting is, but it bears reiterating, because I think it is one of the chief strengths of Star Wars. For example, in an adventure, you could have the Empire wipe out an entire world (as they did with Alderaan). This is a truly horrific act with a lot of dramatic repercussions for roleplay. But from a gaming perspective the destruction of one planet isn't going to upset the balance of the entire game. Its like having your cake and eating it too. All of the drama you want without entirely changing the face of the setting.
The same can be said for introducing a variety of different settings. You want an old-west world? No problem. An Imperial Rome world? No problem. Hell, I even had a world that was based on Transylvania (complete with a dark Force mad scientist and his genetic monster). And all of it works because there are so many 'nooks and crannies' in the Star Wars universe where such oddball settings could exist. In the Marvel Star Wars comics, for instance, they had a whole adventure taking place on a world very much like 'Barsoom' (mars) from the Edgar Rice Burroughs series. And you know what? It didn't even feel out of place.
I bring the issue of 'scope' up because of a couple things. First of all, I've heard some folks say that Star Wars (or any game based on a movie or book series) is too 'restrictive'. That everything is 'written' and characters would have to live in the shadows of the main storyline- ever in fear of upsetting the apple cart. This conception is just plain wrong. At least with the Star Wars setting. If you can't find room for your own stories in THIS setting, well.. then you have a really uncreative GM. If you're a stickler for Canon, perhaps there is some restriction- at least when it comes to developing ultra-powerful Force user types. But other than that? I don't see why there can't be room for a whole lot of 'big damn heroes' in a setting this size.
The second thing I've seen in some GMs is a failure to grasp the scope of the setting, namely when it comes to NPCs and the impact of player actions. While I am a huge fan of allowing players' actions to shape the course of the Galaxy, I think that some GMs forget that there are a LOT of other folks out there who may be obstacles to player's plans. Nobody in the Star Wars universe acts with impunity. Even the Emperor, as powerful as he is, has to constantly scheme and plot to keep what power he’d gained. You also never see him trying to single-handedly hunt down the Rebel alliance himself. Why? Because it is dangerous. Even to a person as powerful as him. I've seen it before, particularly in online RPGs (MUSHes specifically), that a powerful character might get to feeling too big for his (or her) britches. To this I point out that even a high-powered sith lord can be taken down by a horde of lower-power grunts. If you make use of the combined action rules (something I consider a CORE system in D6), this is very true.
For instance, a Sith appears in the midst of a New Republic Controlled Coruscant. He takes hostages and begins making demands. The person playing the Sith thinks, because he's uber powerful, that only HEROIC characters could possibly stand against him. Thus, he prepares for an assault by Jedi or the like. Meanwhile, Coruscant has a huge military and police presence- including elite teams of anti-terrorist commandos and snipers. They could mobilize this group against the Sith. Even though individually they aren't as powerful- and many may be lost trying to take down the Sith, an anti-terrorist team would pose a real threat. This is something that I feel a GM should keep in mind. It is a bit of a balancing act- making sure players feel they are 'powerful', but they should do so with some common sense and discretion, otherwise, the setting devolves into a 'superhero/supervillain' type setup- which is great for a superhero RPG, but... not for Star Wars (in my opinion).
Anyway, I know that this post is rambling all over the place, so I’ll try to wrap things up. The Scope of Star Wars is what really makes it unique as an RPG setting. To my knowledge, there is no other mainstream setting as large as this (with the possible exception of Traveller or maybe Warhammer 40k- but even there, I don’t think the civilization spans the entire galaxy). Even if you DO include all the expanded universe crap in there (and a lot of it IS crap), you should still have plenty enough room to do whatever the hell you want as a GM- or a player (just so long as you realize there are a lot of other folks trying to do what THEY want, too).
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
The Battle of Yavin (and others) in a RPG
At the Battle of Yavin (the final space battle at the end of Episode IV), we see roughly 36 or so rebel fighters lift off to do battle. This is the generally agreed upon number of ships that were in on the attack. During the actual fighting, we see only a relatively small number of these ships engaged- we basically only see Red Squadron and one flight of three fighters from Gold Squadron. When the battle is over, we see only three fighters flying away, along with the Millennium Falcon. These have been established to be Luke, Wedge and one lucky Y-Wing pilot who has since been named 'Keyan Farlander'.
On the Imperial side, we see only Darth Vader, his two wingmen and a handful of other TIE fighters dog-fighting with Red Squadron. Of these, only Darth is shown flying away alive. Obviously, the Death Star could hold (and probably did hold) a heck of a lot more TIE fighters than we ever saw in the movie. The official 'canon' reasoning for them never being launched is that Tarkin wanted to rely on Death Star, to prove that it was invincible. Vader's Squadron of TIE fighters was launched only when there was an inkling that there might be some real danger. I guess this all kind of makes sense. Because otherwise, it would have been 36 X and Y-Wings versus several THOUSAND TIE fighters (in the RPG, the 'official' number of ties carried by the Death Star was 7,200). That... would probably have been a slaughter.
Since the Battle of Yavin is such a pivotal moment in the first movie, it has become fodder for a lot of different stories in the expanded universe. As near as I can tell, the first 'modification' to what we saw in the movies was in the X-Wing computer game (flight combat simulator). I recall one mission to 'clear minefields' or communication satellites or somesuch away from the Death Star- and take out a couple cruisers guarding them. In another, I recall actually flying a B-Wing (or something) on the Trench run. The latter (if I remember correctly), was done just for 'show', and was not to be considered 'canon'. The former, however... is a bit more vague. As fast as the Imperial attack was, I don't see why they'd need to deploy a minefield or communication satellites for that matter, or any cruisers as escorts. As overconfident as the Empire was, I'm pretty certain they just flew the Death Star in.
But I suppose that there is room for this kind of expansion. In fact, in the Star Wars Roleplaying Game, a GM should look for opportunities like this. At the Battle of Yavin, there were at least one and a half squadrons of rebel fighters (18 ships) who we never saw in the movie. Who knows, maybe these guys were attacking 'diversionary' targets at other points on the Death Star. This opens up a lot of room- maybe another elite fighter squadron was released to deal with them. In essence, you could have a whole adventure 'episode' at the Battle of Yavin that doesn't once intrude on what is happening in the movies. Your adventures would just be... a little to the side of the main 'cameras'. Oh, and as afar as only four ships flying away from the Death Star? Well, maybe there were others who flew off in a different direction. Who's to say?
Unfortunately for me, I began my campaign AFTER the Battle of Yavin, so my people never got to participate in it. However, they DID fight in the Battle of Hoth and the Battle of Endor. In any Star Wars campaign where the PCs are rebels, I think it is important that the players ARE involved in these titanic events. I know for me and my people it really helped tie them more closely to the movies- to make them feel as though they were part of the events.
At the battle of Hoth, the group was put in charge of defending one flank of Echo Base. They had a flight of four snowspeeders and a team of infantry- and their own group of AT-ATs to fight. So what if they weren't shoulder to shoulder with Luke and the guys, this way, they got to shine- and not get bound up by what we saw on camera.
The battle of Endor was a lot more tricky to pull off. Some of the party fought in the Space battle (one as a commander of a ship, another as a gunner on the Millennium Falcon.. and.. I think one other gunner, too), others were part of the Endor Strike team. This was tricky at the time since we saw the faces of quite a few of the Endor folks on camera. So basically we filled in the blanks with folks who weren't shown, or who were shown very briefly. For example, when first entering the bunker, we see one of the Rebel troopers clobber an Imperial with the butt of his rifle. We really only see a back shot of this guy, so one of my folks claimed him as 'his character'. Even during the shuttle boarding scene, before the strike team left the mon cal cruisers, you see a hooded figure climb up the ramp of the shuttle. One of my folks- the tusken jedi, oddly enough- claimed this as his character. It wasn't until years later that so many of these 'faceless' roles got names attached to them, which kind of closes up the possibilities for player character insertion if you are a stickler for Canon. Thankfully, I'm not.
So, what is all this rambling about? Hell if I kn- oh! Right. What I'm saying is, big movie events make for AWESOME RPG sessions, as long as you're willing to assume there is more going on than what we see on Camera.
On the Imperial side, we see only Darth Vader, his two wingmen and a handful of other TIE fighters dog-fighting with Red Squadron. Of these, only Darth is shown flying away alive. Obviously, the Death Star could hold (and probably did hold) a heck of a lot more TIE fighters than we ever saw in the movie. The official 'canon' reasoning for them never being launched is that Tarkin wanted to rely on Death Star, to prove that it was invincible. Vader's Squadron of TIE fighters was launched only when there was an inkling that there might be some real danger. I guess this all kind of makes sense. Because otherwise, it would have been 36 X and Y-Wings versus several THOUSAND TIE fighters (in the RPG, the 'official' number of ties carried by the Death Star was 7,200). That... would probably have been a slaughter.
Since the Battle of Yavin is such a pivotal moment in the first movie, it has become fodder for a lot of different stories in the expanded universe. As near as I can tell, the first 'modification' to what we saw in the movies was in the X-Wing computer game (flight combat simulator). I recall one mission to 'clear minefields' or communication satellites or somesuch away from the Death Star- and take out a couple cruisers guarding them. In another, I recall actually flying a B-Wing (or something) on the Trench run. The latter (if I remember correctly), was done just for 'show', and was not to be considered 'canon'. The former, however... is a bit more vague. As fast as the Imperial attack was, I don't see why they'd need to deploy a minefield or communication satellites for that matter, or any cruisers as escorts. As overconfident as the Empire was, I'm pretty certain they just flew the Death Star in.
But I suppose that there is room for this kind of expansion. In fact, in the Star Wars Roleplaying Game, a GM should look for opportunities like this. At the Battle of Yavin, there were at least one and a half squadrons of rebel fighters (18 ships) who we never saw in the movie. Who knows, maybe these guys were attacking 'diversionary' targets at other points on the Death Star. This opens up a lot of room- maybe another elite fighter squadron was released to deal with them. In essence, you could have a whole adventure 'episode' at the Battle of Yavin that doesn't once intrude on what is happening in the movies. Your adventures would just be... a little to the side of the main 'cameras'. Oh, and as afar as only four ships flying away from the Death Star? Well, maybe there were others who flew off in a different direction. Who's to say?
Unfortunately for me, I began my campaign AFTER the Battle of Yavin, so my people never got to participate in it. However, they DID fight in the Battle of Hoth and the Battle of Endor. In any Star Wars campaign where the PCs are rebels, I think it is important that the players ARE involved in these titanic events. I know for me and my people it really helped tie them more closely to the movies- to make them feel as though they were part of the events.
At the battle of Hoth, the group was put in charge of defending one flank of Echo Base. They had a flight of four snowspeeders and a team of infantry- and their own group of AT-ATs to fight. So what if they weren't shoulder to shoulder with Luke and the guys, this way, they got to shine- and not get bound up by what we saw on camera.
The battle of Endor was a lot more tricky to pull off. Some of the party fought in the Space battle (one as a commander of a ship, another as a gunner on the Millennium Falcon.. and.. I think one other gunner, too), others were part of the Endor Strike team. This was tricky at the time since we saw the faces of quite a few of the Endor folks on camera. So basically we filled in the blanks with folks who weren't shown, or who were shown very briefly. For example, when first entering the bunker, we see one of the Rebel troopers clobber an Imperial with the butt of his rifle. We really only see a back shot of this guy, so one of my folks claimed him as 'his character'. Even during the shuttle boarding scene, before the strike team left the mon cal cruisers, you see a hooded figure climb up the ramp of the shuttle. One of my folks- the tusken jedi, oddly enough- claimed this as his character. It wasn't until years later that so many of these 'faceless' roles got names attached to them, which kind of closes up the possibilities for player character insertion if you are a stickler for Canon. Thankfully, I'm not.
So, what is all this rambling about? Hell if I kn- oh! Right. What I'm saying is, big movie events make for AWESOME RPG sessions, as long as you're willing to assume there is more going on than what we see on Camera.
Friday, August 27, 2010
Clunky Star Wars Tech
When Star Wars first came out in the late 70’s, I remember being amazed with its technological marvels. And indeed, there is a lot to admire. Faster than light starships? Moon-sized space stations? Anti-gravity cars? Blasters? Holographic cameras? All of these are awesomely cool, and most of them hold up very well, even today.
But what Star Wars (and so many other science fiction films) really underestimated was the rapid development of personal electronics. Yes, in the late 70’s, the idea of a palm-sized ‘comlink’ was pretty awesome. I mean, back then, we still had rotary phones! But looking at it through modern eyes? Wow. Okay, so all it can do is transmit voice messages? Lame. The modern blackberry or iPhone is a hell of a lot more ‘futuristic’ than the comlinks we see in Star Wars— even in the prequels. Voice, text, even visual images can be exchanged, to say nothing of the plethora of ‘apps’ that turn a ‘phone’ into an entertainment center, a link to the world-wide computer network, a GPS device, etc., etc.
The same can be said for the computers shown in the movies and the ‘datapads’ and ‘portable computers’ introduced in the RPG. PDAs and more modern things like iPads kind of put these to shame. For instance, just about every picture of a datapad in the various books had an integral keypad or controls of some sort. Nobody must have thought of touch screens. Display screens for computers- especially those in the original trilogy- are almost laughably simplistic to modern eyes. For instance, the targeting displays in the Starfighters in Episode IV. Just silly.
And then there is the whole wireless revolution. Seriously? Does a droid need to ‘plug in’ to a computer console to interface with it? Maybe if it was a secure console, yes. So okay, that would explain the Death Star being locked down. But in other instances? Why couldn’t R2-D2 interface with public terminals just by making comlink-contact with them?
As I continue to work on my overall sourcebook I am faced with the decision of either keeping things the way they were shown in the movies or of ‘updating’ them to what we’re used to in ‘real life’. To a certain extent, this kind of updating was already underway during West End games run with the franchise. The galaxy-wide ‘information net’ for instance was (I believe) introduced in their gaming materials- an analogue to the world wide web. So there is at least some precedent in ‘updating’ the tech. I mean, afterall, just because we only ever see them talking into their comlinks doesn’t mean that they weren’t capable of other functions, it just means we never SAW those other functions…right? Works for me anyway.
So I guess that answers my question, going to update the functionality of some tech so that it doesn’t seem so.. clunky in comparison to what we have here on Earth. And yes, I know Star Wars was supposed to be “A long time ago”, but I also think that people who figured out how to fly between stars could make an iPhone, too.
But what Star Wars (and so many other science fiction films) really underestimated was the rapid development of personal electronics. Yes, in the late 70’s, the idea of a palm-sized ‘comlink’ was pretty awesome. I mean, back then, we still had rotary phones! But looking at it through modern eyes? Wow. Okay, so all it can do is transmit voice messages? Lame. The modern blackberry or iPhone is a hell of a lot more ‘futuristic’ than the comlinks we see in Star Wars— even in the prequels. Voice, text, even visual images can be exchanged, to say nothing of the plethora of ‘apps’ that turn a ‘phone’ into an entertainment center, a link to the world-wide computer network, a GPS device, etc., etc.
The same can be said for the computers shown in the movies and the ‘datapads’ and ‘portable computers’ introduced in the RPG. PDAs and more modern things like iPads kind of put these to shame. For instance, just about every picture of a datapad in the various books had an integral keypad or controls of some sort. Nobody must have thought of touch screens. Display screens for computers- especially those in the original trilogy- are almost laughably simplistic to modern eyes. For instance, the targeting displays in the Starfighters in Episode IV. Just silly.
And then there is the whole wireless revolution. Seriously? Does a droid need to ‘plug in’ to a computer console to interface with it? Maybe if it was a secure console, yes. So okay, that would explain the Death Star being locked down. But in other instances? Why couldn’t R2-D2 interface with public terminals just by making comlink-contact with them?
As I continue to work on my overall sourcebook I am faced with the decision of either keeping things the way they were shown in the movies or of ‘updating’ them to what we’re used to in ‘real life’. To a certain extent, this kind of updating was already underway during West End games run with the franchise. The galaxy-wide ‘information net’ for instance was (I believe) introduced in their gaming materials- an analogue to the world wide web. So there is at least some precedent in ‘updating’ the tech. I mean, afterall, just because we only ever see them talking into their comlinks doesn’t mean that they weren’t capable of other functions, it just means we never SAW those other functions…right? Works for me anyway.
So I guess that answers my question, going to update the functionality of some tech so that it doesn’t seem so.. clunky in comparison to what we have here on Earth. And yes, I know Star Wars was supposed to be “A long time ago”, but I also think that people who figured out how to fly between stars could make an iPhone, too.
Whuf
I've barely had time to come up for air, it seems. It also means I have hardly had a chance to work on my Droids sourcebook this week. And THAT is really a shame, since it is SO close to being done. And you know what? I'm pretty proud of it so far. It consists of a few main sections.
1) Introduction. This tells the background of droids in the Star Wars galaxy, their place in society, etc. It also describes (in detail) the terminology that will be used to describe the droids in the following profile section. This section is complete.
2) A section on modification of droids, including the upgrading of stats and skills. This section is complete.
3) A section describing the various bits of equipment found on droids, as well as the prices and availability associated with them. This section is the one I am currently ‘stuck’ in… as it opened a huge can of worms. I need this to mesh with my ‘master equipment list’. Unfortunately, my master equipment list hasn’t been finalized yet :P. So this is the culprit, the reason the droid book ain’t done yet.
4) The profile section on the droids themselves. This includes 120 different droid models, with two droids detailed per page. This section is complete.
It is SO close. So close, in fact, that I’m thinking of releasing a ‘pre-finished’ version just to give people a sneak peak (and maybe to give myself some sense of accomplishment so that I can continue).
Anyway. Back to work :P
1) Introduction. This tells the background of droids in the Star Wars galaxy, their place in society, etc. It also describes (in detail) the terminology that will be used to describe the droids in the following profile section. This section is complete.
2) A section on modification of droids, including the upgrading of stats and skills. This section is complete.
3) A section describing the various bits of equipment found on droids, as well as the prices and availability associated with them. This section is the one I am currently ‘stuck’ in… as it opened a huge can of worms. I need this to mesh with my ‘master equipment list’. Unfortunately, my master equipment list hasn’t been finalized yet :P. So this is the culprit, the reason the droid book ain’t done yet.
4) The profile section on the droids themselves. This includes 120 different droid models, with two droids detailed per page. This section is complete.
It is SO close. So close, in fact, that I’m thinking of releasing a ‘pre-finished’ version just to give people a sneak peak (and maybe to give myself some sense of accomplishment so that I can continue).
Anyway. Back to work :P
Friday, August 20, 2010
Funny List
A while ago, I discovered an awesome little site where a gamer had posted a list of things he is no longer allowed to do while gaming. These are a lot of funny anecdotes that most gamers will be able to relate to. When I first found the site, it was titled 500 things Mr. Welch is no longer allowed to do. It is now up to almost 2000. And a remarkable percentage of those are giggle-worthy. If you haven't been, please check out the link in my links panel- Mr. Welch's List.
But in any case, I have gone through and picked out a bunch that most readily apply to Star Wars (well, for the most part). And... here they are (this is a long list!)
6. Synchronized panicking is not a proper battle plan.
15. Plan B is not automatically twice as much gunpowder as Plan A.
18. When surrendering I am to hand the sword over HILT first.
23. Any character who has a sensitivity training center named after him will be taken away.
34. I am not allowed to base any Droid off any character played by Joe Pesci.
35. I am not allowed to convince the entire party to play R2 units.
38. When investigating evil cultists not allowed to just torch the decrepit mansion from the outside.
47. They do not make Nair in wookie sizes.
49. Not allowed to blow up the Death Star before that snotty farm kid gets his shot.
57. In the middle of a black op I cannot ask a guard to validate parking.
62. I am not allowed to do anything I saw Han Solo do once.
68. Bring him back intact includes redundant organs.
80. When accepting a challenge for a duel, I must allow the other guy time to find a pistol.
92. The name of the weapon shop is not "Bloodbath and Beyond"
108. No, I do not get XP for every single crewman on that Star Destroyer.
110. Not allowed to serenade the party even if my character has an internal tape deck.
112. If the gun can't fit through the x-ray machine, it doesn't go on the plane.
113. My Droid is not allowed to paraphrase any Jack Nicholson soliloquy.
116. Not allowed to take a coffee break during the final super villain showdown.
125. Lingerie can only snap coincidentally so many times per day.
129. Not allowed to name my ship The Antidisestablishmentarianism.
130. I am not authorized to form the head.
157. Any capital scale weapon is not 'my little friend'.
159. Airlocks do not double as trash disposals.
160. I will not load any gatling weapon with nothing but paint rounds.
172. At no point can I justify spending force points on a seduction check.
176. I cannot make called shots to the plectrum, anvil, stirrup, hammer or Isle of Langerhans.
180. I have neither the touch nor the power.
182. No figuring out the plot and killing the actual villain five minutes into the adventure.
191. My character is not related in anyway to Boba Fett. This goes double for Star Wars characters.
192. If the gun is best fired using the artillery skill, my character is not allowed to have it.
194. When the other guy picks swords for the choice of weapons, that does not leave me pistols.
207. The following weapons are not legal choices in a duel: Steamroller, Nerve Gas, Landmine, Midget.
215. They do not make heavy weapons in pump action.
225. I am forbidden from monologuing.
231. I am not allowed to do anything that would make a Sith Lord cry.
233. If I am the medtech it is generally assumed I am going to have skill in medicine.
241. Cannot use the jedi mind trick to get out of a speeding ticket.
262. When the GM forces the plot, I cannot make choo-choo noises.
263. Not allowed to attempt to kill the Hutt by pouring salt on him.
269. My character cannot hear the soundtrack.
278. Anything the DM has to ponder the full impact of for more than a minute is forbidden.
287. When asked for advice before a fight "Don't wet yourself in public" is not what they were looking for.
296. I cannot make called shots with a crew served weapon.
300. I cannot give the rebel operatives the codenames Luke, Han, Chewie or Yoda.
303. I cannot gradually describe my character more and more until it's obvious I'm describing Burt Reynolds.
317. My battlecry is not 'Now young Skywalker you will die'.
327. I am not allowed to decide which one of us is the Chosen One.
383. It is not ok to use 10,000 rounds to kill two sentries.
388. Pursue means chase after, not just make called shots to the knees.
393. If I can fit my head down the gun's barrel, I can assume it doesn't have the non-lethal option.
395. I cannot have any weapon that requires me to crank start it first.
396. I will refrain from using wildly inaccurate high explosive weapons in close quarters.
416. I will not substitute accuracy with enthusiasm.
420. "For the King" is an example of a good battle cry. "Smoke the Mother" is not.
424. I cannot liven up the adventure with snappy musical numbers. Even if they did it on the TV show.
431. We will not implement any battle plan that includes the underlined words "And hope they miss a lot"
432. Cannot put anything featuring Calvin on my starfighter.
440. I am forbidden from trying to merge the best features of automatic weapons and manual transmissions.
450. When told to distract the villainess, they didn't mean with a surprise marriage proposal.
462. 1st Watch is not for accordion practice.
464. 2nd Watch is not for starting up pick up rugby games with wandering monsters.
466. 3rd Watch is not clothing optional.
470. Sarcasm is wasted on Imperial Stormtroopers.
474. Black and Decker does not make prosthetics.
486. No how tough the encounter was, I will keep the congratulatory ass slapping to a minimum.
495. No supplying my own canned applause.
498. A firefight is not the best time to tell the party my Medtech has a fear of blood.
502. If my name isn't Grimlock, can't start every sentence with "Me Grimlock"
510. After a bloody battle, I will not celebrate by lying down and making carnage angels.
516. Not allowed to name my characters Grimlock.
517. I cannot make called shots to their self esteem.
520. Under no circumstances is my medical droid allowed a groin mounted rectal thermometer.
523. When I'm rescued the correct response is 'thank you' not 'took your freaking time!'
524. I will not ask my gun for advice.
536. If a powergamer joins our crew, I will not billet him in the newly furnished auxiliary airlock.
539. Defensive perimeter traps my character sets up are automatically party knowledge.
540. A full minute of stunned silence means "My God what did you do?" not "Please continue."
541. When prompted for a target by the guided missile "the naughty bits" is not a valid choice.
542. No, I do not have time to carve that mountain in the shape of anything.
546. Dead party members, while effective, are not appropriate anti-grenade measures.
576. I can't use my sneak attack opportunity to cop a feel.
579. "Pimp my Death Star" is not a real show, and I'd better believe Grand Moff Tarkin knows this.
582. I can't thwart the Rebel Alliance's attack with the newly invented manhole cover.
586. Cannot spend extra money to get the optional "flay" setting for my pistol.
589. If my gun on a scale of 1-10 is a 7, it's vetoed if that's the Richter scale.
595. I cannot pick a race with a prehensile ANYTHING.
612. Every time a PC takes himself out through his own stupidity does not let me sing the Oompa-Loompa song.
616. Even if they are the same cliched acid for blood aliens, can't load my shotgun with baking powder.
621. No offering the old man and the farm kid a better rate to Alderaan.
641. Casual attire does not include shoulder holsters.
649. Zero bodycount does not mean just the ones they can find.
661. The line on my character sheet for 'Sex' is not for keeping score.
668. AT-ST soccer games are strictly against Imperial Army protocols.
669. Cannot name Boba Fett as a godparent to any of my children.
670. While I'm fixing the X-Wing, the brash pilot is still miffed about the Y-Wing loaner.
679. I do not have time in the Black Ops for break dancing, Greco-Roman Wrestling or phone sex.
680. My axe doesn't go off accidentally when I'm cleaning it.
682. Can't make a called shot with a flamethrower.
694. Search the old castle means enter it, not level it with artillery and dig through the rubble.
697. No "accidentally" crosswiring the X-Wing's fire control and ejection seat switches.
707. A throat punch does not give a bonus in a contested philosophy check.
720. Don't have to include the line "And then stab them a lot" in the plan; it's already assumed.
728. Not legal to retroactively challenge anyone I just shot to a duel.
730. No part of the plan includes: You give me the idol, I give you the whip.
732. Not allowed to trade in my X-Wing for a Gunstar.
735. Adding hydrolics to my R2 unit does not give him an intimidate bonus.
739. Can't make the blacks ops super easy by sending a couple of strippers to the guardroom first.
766. No more Crazy Ivans while I'm driving the AT-AT.
788. "You take the scary one" is not our default battle strategy.
792. Despite the movie's claims, Wookies get no racial bonus for chess.
796. In the middle of the black ops can't lock a bunch of long haired molting cats into the CEO's office.
797. If in the middle of our dressing down our CO strokes out, we took the joke too far.
808. Covering fire does not include nuclear weapons.
811. In the middle of a black ops can't reprogram the cleaning droids to wax the floors for 12 hours straight.
815. Somebody doesn't "accidentally" fall on two dozen shanks.
816. The adventure wrap up is the epilogue. Not Miller Time.
817. Cannot challenge anyone to a dance off. To the death.
841. No more tricking rookies into putting whoopie cushions on Lord Vader's throne.
851. When plumbing the depths of depravity, I must remember to come up for air.
865. I do not put the cad in decadent, nor the rave in depraved.
866. Even if it's catchy, I don't have to yell my battlecry everytime I roll to attack.
868. I cannot have a gun with an area of affect larger than it's range.
877. Even if I am playing a chick, I can't spend all my starting cash on shoes.
883. I do not need to see proof of insurance before making a medtech roll.
901. In the middle of the Black Ops a diversion is not blowing off the top twenty floors of the building.
905. Humming the James Bond theme in the middle of a Black Ops doesn't give me any bonuses.
908. I can't take Telekinesis as an auxilary mode just to get free food from the snack machine.
909. Dual wielding spike chains does not let me use the battlecry "DANGER WILL ROBINSON DANGER!"
915. On second thought, let's not disguise the wookies in the stormtrooper uniforms.
925. Any gun that can fire more rounds in one shot than I can physically carry is vetoed.
926. If given a stock NPC, I must play him as written. So Jar-Jar has to lose the sarape and the cigar.
944. Before accepting a harem as a reward for my heroism, need to check with the wife.
952. Keifer Sutherland does not make numerous cameos in my character's background telling him he's destined for greatness.
958. No matter how practical, I can't have shotgunchucks.
979. Mumus do not appear in the starting equipment list for a reason.
990. Even if he botches his medicine roll, I can't sue the medtech for malpractice.
1001. No matter how bad the game is going, I won't stradle the table like Slim Pickens riding a bomb.
1012. Note to self: Lightsaberchucks...BAD IDEA
1013. The expressive dance skill is not a substitute for language skills.
1021. Can't use the Jedi Mind Trick to convince the stormtroopers the Droids over there are the Droids they are looking for.
1022. Can't start the game with 24 hours to live.
1025. If I have two cyberarms, they have to be on different sides.
1041. Doesn't matter if I'm just using to spot weld, force lightning still gets me a dark side point.
1045. We will not gut every animal we kill to see if they have treasure inside like in video games.
1046. We can't stabilize the dying villain before we make our escape just in case he was a load bearing villain.
1048. I will not attempt to overdose on Rogaine so I can disguise myself as a wookie.
1065. Even if we are playing in the New Republic era, I can't call dibs on Boba Fett's armor.
1067. I do not get to put remote detonation switches into the weapons of any PC's I build them for.
1070. Even if we are Womprat hunting, we don't have to dye the wookie fluorescent orange.
1073. Just because the game left the rules for stun setting grossly unbalanced doesn't mean I have to take advantage of it.
1078. If 48 straight hours of pistol whipping doesn't convince the terrorist to spill his guts, another 48 hours probably won't either.
1092. If the battle goes for 20 rounds, we don't have to stop and wait for the zamboni guy to clean up the battlefield.
1093. I will not tell the rookies they can roll down their Y-Wing's windows.
1101. I will not cut the vault guards in on the haul instead of fighting them.
1104. There is a limit to how much innuendo I can fit into one combat round.
1110. Even if I have enough, putting silencers on my minigun doesn't work.
1119. I cannot have my mercy surgically removed.
1124. I will leave out mating rituals when presenting a cultural exchange with diplomatic ambassadors.
1141. In the middle of a Black Ops I will not look at the target's HR files to see if they have better benefits.
1147. I will lick the Rodian's antennae and stick him to the wall while he sleeps.
1148. No matter how long his speech is, my sniper will not shoot the speaker introducing the target.
1151. Our mission is to rescue the princess. Not to bring Sexy back.
1152. Even if given detailed instructions on pages 50-51, can't take Cloud City on a joy ride.
1159. If I don't have any points in medtech, I can't try faith healing.
1160. We will not end every adventure with a public service announcement.
1171. I will not send the villain a fake message his mother is coming then attack him while he's cleaning.
1179. No matter how well I make my bluff check, the Star Destroyer crew isn't going to believe I'm the new captain.
1186. In the middle of a black ops my buttocks is forbidden from making contact with the target's copy machine.
1187. It's okay to feed the Ewok after midnight.
1201. 'Just blow them out the airlock' is not a backup First Contact Protocol.
1202. Even if it's totally feasible, I can't indefinitely stall our rivals with a bureaucracy check.
1204. Smartass is not a character role.
1212. Even if they'd never suspect it, my Jedi can't have a flamethrower.
1216. I can't have a gun that treats buildings as light cover.
1217. No matter what the dice just said, I didn't kill the villain with the first shot of the combat.
1227. The Death Star does not need a cabin boy.
1239. No part of the adventure is clothing optional.
1257. No, the answer to the problem is not to make a gatling gun out of bazookas.
1258. Can't base my character off a smurf.
1296. No we can't weld the Star Destroyer's bridge shut.
1299. In the middle of a Black Ops I can't compose an offensive joke on the target CEO's email and CC the entire company.
1319. I will only use the module's suggested tactics to stop the ground assault and ignore the squadron of Y-Wings 100 meters away.
1322. The Ewok does not appreciate the giant hamster wheel we put in his quarters. Ingrate.
1325. Black and Decker does not make droids either.
1328. The very concept of a Hutt lap dancer will earn me a dark side point.
1330. Getting someone to spot for me is not going to give me a bonus on a strength check.
1336. Even if we are told to pick a manly name for the game, Genocidicles is a bit much.
1349. I will not program the medical droid for "aggressive dentistry."
1353. I will stop trying to get a reality TV show for our Black Ops team.
1355. Pointing out the massive plothole in the villain's plan is not going to stop her from attacking.
1357. Preliminary saturation carpet bombing is not automatically Plan A.
1360. Woodchippers, while useful, aren't normal gear for a Black Ops.
1373. If we can't fit the droid in the freighter, I can't play him.
1375. Setting Jawas on fire with a magnifying glass is an automatic dark side point.
1382. Growing a goatee will not give me a bonus for sneaking into the villain's lair.
1388. Characters wanting to join the party do not have to undergo the Flash Gordon tree monster ceremony.
1396. No matter his condition, we aren't selling the villain's corpse as modern art.
1397. Count on a back up villain if we ace the first one in two rounds without damage.
1398. I will not give my preteen kids my work number, especially if I'm on a Black Ops.
1425. Lying about benefits being cut are not going make the guards too disgruntled to fight back later.
1430. If the party goes out like 300, that's cool. Thelma and Louise not so much.
1449. Any plan that would quickly, logically and safely defeat the module early is doomed to failure.
1451. Cannot name my Droid WEG-D6
1466. I must sing my kids to sleep before the black ops.
1467. I will not sing other characters' kids to sleep before, during or after the black ops.
1498. Shooting him in the foot first does not give me a bonus to the ridicule check.
1517. Checking to see if the Mad Slasher is dead is ok, dismembering him with a shotgun is overkill.
1518. My Sniper will not kill all the bad guys before the rest of the party is in range.
1519. In the middle of a Black Ops I can't sell my niece's band candy to the hostages.
1526. Can't use my pistols to communicate in Morse Code.
1528. I can't ask the bad guy if I fired 40,000 rounds or just 39,999.
1529. There is no such thing as a Thirty-Sevensexual
1532. If its cheaper to buy a new gun than reload the old one, there's a problem.
1533. Even if the rules allow it, can't have a belt fed pistol.
1537. My Rogue Trader does not need to announce his arrival with eight hours of orbital bombardment.
1541. While highly effective, grabbing his a man by his small intestine and making him talk like a ventriloquist dummy is frowned on.
1549. The totalitarian government tends to notice large purchases of cows, trebuchets and surveying gear.
1551. During the Black Ops all cell phones go on vibrate.
1552. My Lunar Class Cruiser has more than one bathroom.
1559. Any mention of Life Day gets everybody a dark side point.
1571. Can't bluff the Empire at Hoth with just a whole bunch of snowmen.
1596. Even if she's the most dangerous, the party doesn't appreciate me killing the naked chick first.
1600. Even if the rules allow it, I can't mount a flamethrower on a knife.
1604. When told to pick a number between 1 and 10, the answer is not pi.
1611. Even if she started it, no setting the princess on fire.
1618. Any character even remotely resembling Mr. B Natural is dead before the first dice are rolled.
1624. It is bad form to sing along with the elevator music in a Black Ops.
1628. If all the players have to pool there d6's so I can roll for initiative, time to retire the character.
1630. Starships do not have to drop anchor.
1633. If Plan A was 'Beat it out of him' Plan B can't be 'Just ask nicely'
1637. 'Dibs' is not a term of bereavement.
1639. No giving a character a dumb name so he can pick fights over it later.
1640. There is a limit to the number of adjectives I can attach to an uppercut.
1650. Venting non-essential crew to the void before payday is not an acceptable cost cutting measure.
1654. A warning shot is not one that just wounds him.
1666. If if takes more than five minutes for the debris to stop falling, I need to pick a smaller gun.
1667. When told to distract the bad guy they didn't mean by playing Wham over their commlinks.
1668. When told to distract the bad guy they didn't mean by shooting the guy standing next to him.
1669. When told to distract the bad guy they didn't mean by setting him on fire.
1673. I will not start dating another character's archenemy.
1675. If an enemy fails a stun check, that does not give me a free hit for flinching.
1676. Before I get it on with the green chick, I'll make sure she's supposed to be that color.
1678. I don't get any XP for anything I killed in a flashback.
1682. Snufficate is not a real way to kill somebody.
1687. No following a minute behind Gold Leader and just shooting down Vader.
1694. Debauchery is not a stat.
1699. The Astromech appreciates it if we'd stop using him for ordinance delivery.
1706. Before anybody makes a demolitions check, I will raise my hand if my skill is the highest.
1707. In the middle of a black ops, can't play 'will it bounce' with the penthouse furniture.
1713. It is not necessary for the villain to say 'Uncle' before I accept his surrender.
1714. My martial artist has to actually know a martial art.
1718. I don't have to name everything we discover after myself.
1722. No building a Gatling Gatling gun.
1728. Can't have a gun that doubles as a jump jet.
1733. Dousing a character in beer is acceptable after a victory. Then setting him on fire is not.
1734. We aren't continuing the mission until everybody is clear on the term "Going in hardcore"
1738. Even if I write it, can't have my own theme song.
1740. If the villain performs a kind act, can't blackmail him with it later.
1755. Calling my shot means 'Where I want to hit him' not 'Where I want him to land.'
1757. The princess' menstral cycle doesn't factor into her rescue.
1759. Doesn't matter what I just killed with it, the howitzer is not going to qualify for holy relic.
1761. Star Destroyers are already baby proofed.
1775. Just because I spared the villain's life doesn't mean she owes me a first date.
But in any case, I have gone through and picked out a bunch that most readily apply to Star Wars (well, for the most part). And... here they are (this is a long list!)
6. Synchronized panicking is not a proper battle plan.
15. Plan B is not automatically twice as much gunpowder as Plan A.
18. When surrendering I am to hand the sword over HILT first.
23. Any character who has a sensitivity training center named after him will be taken away.
34. I am not allowed to base any Droid off any character played by Joe Pesci.
35. I am not allowed to convince the entire party to play R2 units.
38. When investigating evil cultists not allowed to just torch the decrepit mansion from the outside.
47. They do not make Nair in wookie sizes.
49. Not allowed to blow up the Death Star before that snotty farm kid gets his shot.
57. In the middle of a black op I cannot ask a guard to validate parking.
62. I am not allowed to do anything I saw Han Solo do once.
68. Bring him back intact includes redundant organs.
80. When accepting a challenge for a duel, I must allow the other guy time to find a pistol.
92. The name of the weapon shop is not "Bloodbath and Beyond"
108. No, I do not get XP for every single crewman on that Star Destroyer.
110. Not allowed to serenade the party even if my character has an internal tape deck.
112. If the gun can't fit through the x-ray machine, it doesn't go on the plane.
113. My Droid is not allowed to paraphrase any Jack Nicholson soliloquy.
116. Not allowed to take a coffee break during the final super villain showdown.
125. Lingerie can only snap coincidentally so many times per day.
129. Not allowed to name my ship The Antidisestablishmentarianism.
130. I am not authorized to form the head.
157. Any capital scale weapon is not 'my little friend'.
159. Airlocks do not double as trash disposals.
160. I will not load any gatling weapon with nothing but paint rounds.
172. At no point can I justify spending force points on a seduction check.
176. I cannot make called shots to the plectrum, anvil, stirrup, hammer or Isle of Langerhans.
180. I have neither the touch nor the power.
182. No figuring out the plot and killing the actual villain five minutes into the adventure.
191. My character is not related in anyway to Boba Fett. This goes double for Star Wars characters.
192. If the gun is best fired using the artillery skill, my character is not allowed to have it.
194. When the other guy picks swords for the choice of weapons, that does not leave me pistols.
207. The following weapons are not legal choices in a duel: Steamroller, Nerve Gas, Landmine, Midget.
215. They do not make heavy weapons in pump action.
225. I am forbidden from monologuing.
231. I am not allowed to do anything that would make a Sith Lord cry.
233. If I am the medtech it is generally assumed I am going to have skill in medicine.
241. Cannot use the jedi mind trick to get out of a speeding ticket.
262. When the GM forces the plot, I cannot make choo-choo noises.
263. Not allowed to attempt to kill the Hutt by pouring salt on him.
269. My character cannot hear the soundtrack.
278. Anything the DM has to ponder the full impact of for more than a minute is forbidden.
287. When asked for advice before a fight "Don't wet yourself in public" is not what they were looking for.
296. I cannot make called shots with a crew served weapon.
300. I cannot give the rebel operatives the codenames Luke, Han, Chewie or Yoda.
303. I cannot gradually describe my character more and more until it's obvious I'm describing Burt Reynolds.
317. My battlecry is not 'Now young Skywalker you will die'.
327. I am not allowed to decide which one of us is the Chosen One.
383. It is not ok to use 10,000 rounds to kill two sentries.
388. Pursue means chase after, not just make called shots to the knees.
393. If I can fit my head down the gun's barrel, I can assume it doesn't have the non-lethal option.
395. I cannot have any weapon that requires me to crank start it first.
396. I will refrain from using wildly inaccurate high explosive weapons in close quarters.
416. I will not substitute accuracy with enthusiasm.
420. "For the King" is an example of a good battle cry. "Smoke the Mother" is not.
424. I cannot liven up the adventure with snappy musical numbers. Even if they did it on the TV show.
431. We will not implement any battle plan that includes the underlined words "And hope they miss a lot"
432. Cannot put anything featuring Calvin on my starfighter.
440. I am forbidden from trying to merge the best features of automatic weapons and manual transmissions.
450. When told to distract the villainess, they didn't mean with a surprise marriage proposal.
462. 1st Watch is not for accordion practice.
464. 2nd Watch is not for starting up pick up rugby games with wandering monsters.
466. 3rd Watch is not clothing optional.
470. Sarcasm is wasted on Imperial Stormtroopers.
474. Black and Decker does not make prosthetics.
486. No how tough the encounter was, I will keep the congratulatory ass slapping to a minimum.
495. No supplying my own canned applause.
498. A firefight is not the best time to tell the party my Medtech has a fear of blood.
502. If my name isn't Grimlock, can't start every sentence with "Me Grimlock"
510. After a bloody battle, I will not celebrate by lying down and making carnage angels.
516. Not allowed to name my characters Grimlock.
517. I cannot make called shots to their self esteem.
520. Under no circumstances is my medical droid allowed a groin mounted rectal thermometer.
523. When I'm rescued the correct response is 'thank you' not 'took your freaking time!'
524. I will not ask my gun for advice.
536. If a powergamer joins our crew, I will not billet him in the newly furnished auxiliary airlock.
539. Defensive perimeter traps my character sets up are automatically party knowledge.
540. A full minute of stunned silence means "My God what did you do?" not "Please continue."
541. When prompted for a target by the guided missile "the naughty bits" is not a valid choice.
542. No, I do not have time to carve that mountain in the shape of anything.
546. Dead party members, while effective, are not appropriate anti-grenade measures.
576. I can't use my sneak attack opportunity to cop a feel.
579. "Pimp my Death Star" is not a real show, and I'd better believe Grand Moff Tarkin knows this.
582. I can't thwart the Rebel Alliance's attack with the newly invented manhole cover.
586. Cannot spend extra money to get the optional "flay" setting for my pistol.
589. If my gun on a scale of 1-10 is a 7, it's vetoed if that's the Richter scale.
595. I cannot pick a race with a prehensile ANYTHING.
612. Every time a PC takes himself out through his own stupidity does not let me sing the Oompa-Loompa song.
616. Even if they are the same cliched acid for blood aliens, can't load my shotgun with baking powder.
621. No offering the old man and the farm kid a better rate to Alderaan.
641. Casual attire does not include shoulder holsters.
649. Zero bodycount does not mean just the ones they can find.
661. The line on my character sheet for 'Sex' is not for keeping score.
668. AT-ST soccer games are strictly against Imperial Army protocols.
669. Cannot name Boba Fett as a godparent to any of my children.
670. While I'm fixing the X-Wing, the brash pilot is still miffed about the Y-Wing loaner.
679. I do not have time in the Black Ops for break dancing, Greco-Roman Wrestling or phone sex.
680. My axe doesn't go off accidentally when I'm cleaning it.
682. Can't make a called shot with a flamethrower.
694. Search the old castle means enter it, not level it with artillery and dig through the rubble.
697. No "accidentally" crosswiring the X-Wing's fire control and ejection seat switches.
707. A throat punch does not give a bonus in a contested philosophy check.
720. Don't have to include the line "And then stab them a lot" in the plan; it's already assumed.
728. Not legal to retroactively challenge anyone I just shot to a duel.
730. No part of the plan includes: You give me the idol, I give you the whip.
732. Not allowed to trade in my X-Wing for a Gunstar.
735. Adding hydrolics to my R2 unit does not give him an intimidate bonus.
739. Can't make the blacks ops super easy by sending a couple of strippers to the guardroom first.
766. No more Crazy Ivans while I'm driving the AT-AT.
788. "You take the scary one" is not our default battle strategy.
792. Despite the movie's claims, Wookies get no racial bonus for chess.
796. In the middle of the black ops can't lock a bunch of long haired molting cats into the CEO's office.
797. If in the middle of our dressing down our CO strokes out, we took the joke too far.
808. Covering fire does not include nuclear weapons.
811. In the middle of a black ops can't reprogram the cleaning droids to wax the floors for 12 hours straight.
815. Somebody doesn't "accidentally" fall on two dozen shanks.
816. The adventure wrap up is the epilogue. Not Miller Time.
817. Cannot challenge anyone to a dance off. To the death.
841. No more tricking rookies into putting whoopie cushions on Lord Vader's throne.
851. When plumbing the depths of depravity, I must remember to come up for air.
865. I do not put the cad in decadent, nor the rave in depraved.
866. Even if it's catchy, I don't have to yell my battlecry everytime I roll to attack.
868. I cannot have a gun with an area of affect larger than it's range.
877. Even if I am playing a chick, I can't spend all my starting cash on shoes.
883. I do not need to see proof of insurance before making a medtech roll.
901. In the middle of the Black Ops a diversion is not blowing off the top twenty floors of the building.
905. Humming the James Bond theme in the middle of a Black Ops doesn't give me any bonuses.
908. I can't take Telekinesis as an auxilary mode just to get free food from the snack machine.
909. Dual wielding spike chains does not let me use the battlecry "DANGER WILL ROBINSON DANGER!"
915. On second thought, let's not disguise the wookies in the stormtrooper uniforms.
925. Any gun that can fire more rounds in one shot than I can physically carry is vetoed.
926. If given a stock NPC, I must play him as written. So Jar-Jar has to lose the sarape and the cigar.
944. Before accepting a harem as a reward for my heroism, need to check with the wife.
952. Keifer Sutherland does not make numerous cameos in my character's background telling him he's destined for greatness.
958. No matter how practical, I can't have shotgunchucks.
979. Mumus do not appear in the starting equipment list for a reason.
990. Even if he botches his medicine roll, I can't sue the medtech for malpractice.
1001. No matter how bad the game is going, I won't stradle the table like Slim Pickens riding a bomb.
1012. Note to self: Lightsaberchucks...BAD IDEA
1013. The expressive dance skill is not a substitute for language skills.
1021. Can't use the Jedi Mind Trick to convince the stormtroopers the Droids over there are the Droids they are looking for.
1022. Can't start the game with 24 hours to live.
1025. If I have two cyberarms, they have to be on different sides.
1041. Doesn't matter if I'm just using to spot weld, force lightning still gets me a dark side point.
1045. We will not gut every animal we kill to see if they have treasure inside like in video games.
1046. We can't stabilize the dying villain before we make our escape just in case he was a load bearing villain.
1048. I will not attempt to overdose on Rogaine so I can disguise myself as a wookie.
1065. Even if we are playing in the New Republic era, I can't call dibs on Boba Fett's armor.
1067. I do not get to put remote detonation switches into the weapons of any PC's I build them for.
1070. Even if we are Womprat hunting, we don't have to dye the wookie fluorescent orange.
1073. Just because the game left the rules for stun setting grossly unbalanced doesn't mean I have to take advantage of it.
1078. If 48 straight hours of pistol whipping doesn't convince the terrorist to spill his guts, another 48 hours probably won't either.
1092. If the battle goes for 20 rounds, we don't have to stop and wait for the zamboni guy to clean up the battlefield.
1093. I will not tell the rookies they can roll down their Y-Wing's windows.
1101. I will not cut the vault guards in on the haul instead of fighting them.
1104. There is a limit to how much innuendo I can fit into one combat round.
1110. Even if I have enough, putting silencers on my minigun doesn't work.
1119. I cannot have my mercy surgically removed.
1124. I will leave out mating rituals when presenting a cultural exchange with diplomatic ambassadors.
1141. In the middle of a Black Ops I will not look at the target's HR files to see if they have better benefits.
1147. I will lick the Rodian's antennae and stick him to the wall while he sleeps.
1148. No matter how long his speech is, my sniper will not shoot the speaker introducing the target.
1151. Our mission is to rescue the princess. Not to bring Sexy back.
1152. Even if given detailed instructions on pages 50-51, can't take Cloud City on a joy ride.
1159. If I don't have any points in medtech, I can't try faith healing.
1160. We will not end every adventure with a public service announcement.
1171. I will not send the villain a fake message his mother is coming then attack him while he's cleaning.
1179. No matter how well I make my bluff check, the Star Destroyer crew isn't going to believe I'm the new captain.
1186. In the middle of a black ops my buttocks is forbidden from making contact with the target's copy machine.
1187. It's okay to feed the Ewok after midnight.
1201. 'Just blow them out the airlock' is not a backup First Contact Protocol.
1202. Even if it's totally feasible, I can't indefinitely stall our rivals with a bureaucracy check.
1204. Smartass is not a character role.
1212. Even if they'd never suspect it, my Jedi can't have a flamethrower.
1216. I can't have a gun that treats buildings as light cover.
1217. No matter what the dice just said, I didn't kill the villain with the first shot of the combat.
1227. The Death Star does not need a cabin boy.
1239. No part of the adventure is clothing optional.
1257. No, the answer to the problem is not to make a gatling gun out of bazookas.
1258. Can't base my character off a smurf.
1296. No we can't weld the Star Destroyer's bridge shut.
1299. In the middle of a Black Ops I can't compose an offensive joke on the target CEO's email and CC the entire company.
1319. I will only use the module's suggested tactics to stop the ground assault and ignore the squadron of Y-Wings 100 meters away.
1322. The Ewok does not appreciate the giant hamster wheel we put in his quarters. Ingrate.
1325. Black and Decker does not make droids either.
1328. The very concept of a Hutt lap dancer will earn me a dark side point.
1330. Getting someone to spot for me is not going to give me a bonus on a strength check.
1336. Even if we are told to pick a manly name for the game, Genocidicles is a bit much.
1349. I will not program the medical droid for "aggressive dentistry."
1353. I will stop trying to get a reality TV show for our Black Ops team.
1355. Pointing out the massive plothole in the villain's plan is not going to stop her from attacking.
1357. Preliminary saturation carpet bombing is not automatically Plan A.
1360. Woodchippers, while useful, aren't normal gear for a Black Ops.
1373. If we can't fit the droid in the freighter, I can't play him.
1375. Setting Jawas on fire with a magnifying glass is an automatic dark side point.
1382. Growing a goatee will not give me a bonus for sneaking into the villain's lair.
1388. Characters wanting to join the party do not have to undergo the Flash Gordon tree monster ceremony.
1396. No matter his condition, we aren't selling the villain's corpse as modern art.
1397. Count on a back up villain if we ace the first one in two rounds without damage.
1398. I will not give my preteen kids my work number, especially if I'm on a Black Ops.
1425. Lying about benefits being cut are not going make the guards too disgruntled to fight back later.
1430. If the party goes out like 300, that's cool. Thelma and Louise not so much.
1449. Any plan that would quickly, logically and safely defeat the module early is doomed to failure.
1451. Cannot name my Droid WEG-D6
1466. I must sing my kids to sleep before the black ops.
1467. I will not sing other characters' kids to sleep before, during or after the black ops.
1498. Shooting him in the foot first does not give me a bonus to the ridicule check.
1517. Checking to see if the Mad Slasher is dead is ok, dismembering him with a shotgun is overkill.
1518. My Sniper will not kill all the bad guys before the rest of the party is in range.
1519. In the middle of a Black Ops I can't sell my niece's band candy to the hostages.
1526. Can't use my pistols to communicate in Morse Code.
1528. I can't ask the bad guy if I fired 40,000 rounds or just 39,999.
1529. There is no such thing as a Thirty-Sevensexual
1532. If its cheaper to buy a new gun than reload the old one, there's a problem.
1533. Even if the rules allow it, can't have a belt fed pistol.
1537. My Rogue Trader does not need to announce his arrival with eight hours of orbital bombardment.
1541. While highly effective, grabbing his a man by his small intestine and making him talk like a ventriloquist dummy is frowned on.
1549. The totalitarian government tends to notice large purchases of cows, trebuchets and surveying gear.
1551. During the Black Ops all cell phones go on vibrate.
1552. My Lunar Class Cruiser has more than one bathroom.
1559. Any mention of Life Day gets everybody a dark side point.
1571. Can't bluff the Empire at Hoth with just a whole bunch of snowmen.
1596. Even if she's the most dangerous, the party doesn't appreciate me killing the naked chick first.
1600. Even if the rules allow it, I can't mount a flamethrower on a knife.
1604. When told to pick a number between 1 and 10, the answer is not pi.
1611. Even if she started it, no setting the princess on fire.
1618. Any character even remotely resembling Mr. B Natural is dead before the first dice are rolled.
1624. It is bad form to sing along with the elevator music in a Black Ops.
1628. If all the players have to pool there d6's so I can roll for initiative, time to retire the character.
1630. Starships do not have to drop anchor.
1633. If Plan A was 'Beat it out of him' Plan B can't be 'Just ask nicely'
1637. 'Dibs' is not a term of bereavement.
1639. No giving a character a dumb name so he can pick fights over it later.
1640. There is a limit to the number of adjectives I can attach to an uppercut.
1650. Venting non-essential crew to the void before payday is not an acceptable cost cutting measure.
1654. A warning shot is not one that just wounds him.
1666. If if takes more than five minutes for the debris to stop falling, I need to pick a smaller gun.
1667. When told to distract the bad guy they didn't mean by playing Wham over their commlinks.
1668. When told to distract the bad guy they didn't mean by shooting the guy standing next to him.
1669. When told to distract the bad guy they didn't mean by setting him on fire.
1673. I will not start dating another character's archenemy.
1675. If an enemy fails a stun check, that does not give me a free hit for flinching.
1676. Before I get it on with the green chick, I'll make sure she's supposed to be that color.
1678. I don't get any XP for anything I killed in a flashback.
1682. Snufficate is not a real way to kill somebody.
1687. No following a minute behind Gold Leader and just shooting down Vader.
1694. Debauchery is not a stat.
1699. The Astromech appreciates it if we'd stop using him for ordinance delivery.
1706. Before anybody makes a demolitions check, I will raise my hand if my skill is the highest.
1707. In the middle of a black ops, can't play 'will it bounce' with the penthouse furniture.
1713. It is not necessary for the villain to say 'Uncle' before I accept his surrender.
1714. My martial artist has to actually know a martial art.
1718. I don't have to name everything we discover after myself.
1722. No building a Gatling Gatling gun.
1728. Can't have a gun that doubles as a jump jet.
1733. Dousing a character in beer is acceptable after a victory. Then setting him on fire is not.
1734. We aren't continuing the mission until everybody is clear on the term "Going in hardcore"
1738. Even if I write it, can't have my own theme song.
1740. If the villain performs a kind act, can't blackmail him with it later.
1755. Calling my shot means 'Where I want to hit him' not 'Where I want him to land.'
1757. The princess' menstral cycle doesn't factor into her rescue.
1759. Doesn't matter what I just killed with it, the howitzer is not going to qualify for holy relic.
1761. Star Destroyers are already baby proofed.
1775. Just because I spared the villain's life doesn't mean she owes me a first date.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Hoth Under the New Republic
Since my own campaign has moved many years past the original trilogy movie timeline (I think we're now set... 7 or 8 years post Return of the Jedi), I have had to revise a lot of the 'classic' movie locales to reflect the changes that have taken place in the Galaxy. Some places don't change all that much. Tatooine, for instance, may be under the nominal rule of the New Republic, but it is still a backwater with moisture farmers, Sand-people, Jawas and one particular wretched hive of scum and villainy. The names have changed, but the place is very much as it was. Its good to have some places that don't change all that much. Bespin is another example. Cloud city weathered the tempest of Imperial occupation, but was able to throw off that yolk with the help of the New Republic. Again, they're 'nominally' New Republic in affiliation, but they remain primarily a self-ruled system that offers fine gambling and resorts as well as tibanna gas.
But while some places remained pretty much the same, others have changed quite a bit. Yavin is a prime example of this. In my game it has become home to the Jedi Order- an organization quite a bit larger than that presented in the expanded universe novels. It is a center of learning for thousands of young students- kind of like a boarding school for Jedi hopefuls (and yes, I did think of this before Harry Potter, but the analogy is a good one- Yavin IV = Hogwarts). The NR also maintains an orbital naval yard in the system- a base for ships operating in the sector (and also an added line of defense for the Jedi Temple.
Though I have only used it ONCE in my campaign since the epic 'Empire Strikes Back' battle, Hoth is a planet I have always thought could still make an interesting setting. So, without further ado, this is my concept of what Hoth is like some 7-8 years after the battle of Endor:
Though still not heavily populated, Hoth has, through its involvement in the events of the Rebellion, become something of a tourist stop. People curious about the history of the Galactic Civil war—as well as veterans of that war and their family— can now come to Hoth to view the war memorial that stands where Echo base once stood. Part of these ruins has, in fact, been turned into a museum, displaying scenes and technology from the battle and the Alliance's time on the world.
Where there is tourism (however scant), there are hotels (and of course shops). Hoth is no different. What began with a simple hotel soon opened into a couple full fledged resorts. After all, Hoth does have incredible terrain for arctic sports like skiing, skating, ice-climbing, taun-taun riding, repulsorlift-ice-skimming, etc. One of the newest hotels (rumored to be backed by Alliance hero Lando Calrissian), is constructed entirely of ice- a glittering frozen palace rising above the glacier fields.
Of course there were security issues. Wampas are dangerous and intelligent predators. A combination of security defensive sensors, power-fences and selective hunting have managed to keep their incursions to a minimum, however. What began as simple security and population control soon branched out into its own industry- big game hunting. Expeditions go out regularly from specially appointed hunting lodges to track down Wampas. In keeping with the New Republic's Ecological policies, however, the number of such hunts per year are limited. Unfortunately, there are instances of poaching. Even with planetary sensors and dedicated ranger patrols, there is a lot of meteor activity in the system and not all illegal landings are detected.
But apart from its commercial uses, Hoth is also home to a large scientific commune- part of it focused on the study of arctic ecosystems, but with some lab space rented out to individuals who merely want a remote (and secure) place to carry out their research. Such grants are carefully monitored by the New Republic's Bureau of Science to ensure their legality, but there are (always) rumors of 'odd' experiments being undertaken in labs beneath the frozen wastes.
And finally, Hoth, not surprisingly, is home to the New Republic Army's primary arctic training base. Here, specialized troops undergo intense courses designed to prepare them for operations in bitter climates across the galaxy.
So, there you have it. The Hoth of the Future! It could be an interesting spot, actually. In my own campaign, I utilized the science base- making it a setting for a murder investigation story that I (now) barely remember.
But while some places remained pretty much the same, others have changed quite a bit. Yavin is a prime example of this. In my game it has become home to the Jedi Order- an organization quite a bit larger than that presented in the expanded universe novels. It is a center of learning for thousands of young students- kind of like a boarding school for Jedi hopefuls (and yes, I did think of this before Harry Potter, but the analogy is a good one- Yavin IV = Hogwarts). The NR also maintains an orbital naval yard in the system- a base for ships operating in the sector (and also an added line of defense for the Jedi Temple.
Though I have only used it ONCE in my campaign since the epic 'Empire Strikes Back' battle, Hoth is a planet I have always thought could still make an interesting setting. So, without further ado, this is my concept of what Hoth is like some 7-8 years after the battle of Endor:
Though still not heavily populated, Hoth has, through its involvement in the events of the Rebellion, become something of a tourist stop. People curious about the history of the Galactic Civil war—as well as veterans of that war and their family— can now come to Hoth to view the war memorial that stands where Echo base once stood. Part of these ruins has, in fact, been turned into a museum, displaying scenes and technology from the battle and the Alliance's time on the world.
Where there is tourism (however scant), there are hotels (and of course shops). Hoth is no different. What began with a simple hotel soon opened into a couple full fledged resorts. After all, Hoth does have incredible terrain for arctic sports like skiing, skating, ice-climbing, taun-taun riding, repulsorlift-ice-skimming, etc. One of the newest hotels (rumored to be backed by Alliance hero Lando Calrissian), is constructed entirely of ice- a glittering frozen palace rising above the glacier fields.
Of course there were security issues. Wampas are dangerous and intelligent predators. A combination of security defensive sensors, power-fences and selective hunting have managed to keep their incursions to a minimum, however. What began as simple security and population control soon branched out into its own industry- big game hunting. Expeditions go out regularly from specially appointed hunting lodges to track down Wampas. In keeping with the New Republic's Ecological policies, however, the number of such hunts per year are limited. Unfortunately, there are instances of poaching. Even with planetary sensors and dedicated ranger patrols, there is a lot of meteor activity in the system and not all illegal landings are detected.
But apart from its commercial uses, Hoth is also home to a large scientific commune- part of it focused on the study of arctic ecosystems, but with some lab space rented out to individuals who merely want a remote (and secure) place to carry out their research. Such grants are carefully monitored by the New Republic's Bureau of Science to ensure their legality, but there are (always) rumors of 'odd' experiments being undertaken in labs beneath the frozen wastes.
And finally, Hoth, not surprisingly, is home to the New Republic Army's primary arctic training base. Here, specialized troops undergo intense courses designed to prepare them for operations in bitter climates across the galaxy.
So, there you have it. The Hoth of the Future! It could be an interesting spot, actually. In my own campaign, I utilized the science base- making it a setting for a murder investigation story that I (now) barely remember.
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